Fixing things

You know you are an adult when...

You nearly orgasm when you get a new set of washer driers.

You get them off Craig's list from mansion row because someone was finally able to put in their dream storage and can't have a top loader anymore, and you both appreciate the steep discount and wish them the best shelf space possible.

You feel like blowing your partner for hooking up the appliances and going with you to pick them up. Its the sexiest thing you can think of.

You ask your family to produce filth so you can run laundry.

They oblige you and come to watch the inaugural run of the appliances.

To defer the stench of competency you put googly eyes on every damn thing you can find. Including over the loo for the stand to pee members of the guild.

Everything now googles at you as you go about your daily business. The trash can. The stove. The dishwasher. Even your bed stead.

You are not even slightly sorry about this fact and drive yourself to the local dollar store to get another bag of eyes because you have some extra appliances that can't see.